Golf For A Dummy

May 4, 2017

At  the urging of my wife and pressure from my friends I reluctantly spent some cash and took up the Scottish-invented game of golf. I don’t believe I ever offended anyone from Scotland, but I must have angered someone with a kilt because I am a pathetic golfer.

I dutifully go to the golfing range to practice and try to gain some confidence, but when I travel to the links for a real life test of my abilities I truly embarrass myself. Thankfully, my friends are patient and kind but what must be going their heads as I sputter and shank and slither is the stuff of nightmares. I clearly need a lifetime of lessons but I suspect that such advice will only have a marginal impact on my game, plus it will cost me money.

My only consolation as a duffer is that I do have some slight ability with my putting iron, as I have moments when even my friends stare at a 30 foot putt that goes in with envy. But then on the next hole my drive and mid-range iron work is simply horrible, and all the impressive work from my putter is quickly forgotten.

It is wonderful to get out in the open air and share jokes and gossip with my friends, but then I have to hit the ball in a straight line towards the hole, always a challenge if not an outright tragedy.

It is said that the golf game is the most frustrating of sports as so much thinking and adjusting is required to avoid ending up with a score card that is in three digits. My major failing is that I don’t have patience or the ability to think through the requirements of a successful drive. Too many times I just want to end the torture.

It is said that practice makes perfect; well I really doubt that old adage, since even the best golfers in the world end up in the woods or in a pond. But for now I will keep trying, in large part because I can’t let down my friends or lie to my wife about how much fun I am having. Stay tuned for a progress report, or at least a report.

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